It's His Love

I can't sleep. Maybe it's the sugar high from all of today's various sugar sources that have turned me upside down since I haven't eaten much sugar for forty days. Or maybe it is because God has been keeping me awake to whisper His love to me. It's possible that it's that I'm awake so late that I can finally hear Him. During the day I run so hard to get away from various strains-anger, boredom, self loathing-the list could go on forever. But now in the still of night I hear Him, "I love you, my daughter. Why don't you believe me? I sent my Son for you. Remember today! Of all days, remember today!" Now I can.

So I have been up late tonight. I was reading another blog, Humble Pie, and was inspired by her to read my Bible. I opened to Psalms and throught the course of reading came to 142. I have read it many times over the last so many years. Crying out to Him in desperation for relief from my depression and other enemies. And for the first time in oh-so-many years, I'm not feeling bereft and left alone.

I just wanted to say it "out loud," to make it real. So many times, I think these thoughts have gone through my head, but I never caught them. They just flitted away because I let them. Not today. Today they are real, tangible. They are there to be seen and held closely, just as I am.