A storm brews

On Saturday I had a wonderful morning  filled with enjoying my children.  Then around 5pm it hit, the loneliness.  My very strong emotions tend to be actual, physical pain.  It hits in the chest and then spreads out.  In order to quell the raging sea, to silence the sure tears, I ran to my drug of choice, food.  As I pondered what I wanted I heard a small, quiet yet insistent voice say "the come down is going to be so much worse."  But on I went.  And sure enough the come down was horrible.  Crying ensued, safely after the kids were in bed, of course. 

I couldn't fall asleep until nearly three.  In the hours between the kids bedtime and when I fell asleep I took stock.  However, I wasn't planning on it.  God just kept putting the truth in front of me.  I started reading one book and came upon a truth I did not want to deal with.  So I turned to the Bible, yet here was another.  Then I remembered reading on a blog about another thing I didn't want to hear.  At about 2am they all came together to say changes are a comin', if I am to be refined by God's hand.  And boy are they going to be hard, but clearly worth it.

One thing I can say is that Peter being gone for as long as he has been gone has been good, at least for me.  If he had come home a week ago I would not have made these discoveries.  And they were sorely in need of coming to light.  

I am by nature an impulsive person.  For the last ten years I have been filting from one thing to another.  In the past month or so I have discovered that I need to live my life with intention.  And make decisions with intention, not just because all other options have passed.  It is time for me to finish growing up.  

One of the things I dealt with the other night was my eating habits.  I read on Walk Slowly, Live Wildly about our bodies being temples.  This post made me question my self on how can I worship God in my craptastic temple of a body.  It does effect how I feel about myself and my ability to worship God.  There is the ever voice of displeasure my physical state.  Is every action of ours a way that we are supposed to honor and worship the Lord?  If so then eating should be too, right?  So, all this to say that, I am going to start eating in a not just controlled way but with worship in mind. (I should probably read the fasting section of Celebration of Discipline.)  Somehow, with this in mind the idea of eating mostly fruits and veggies doesn't seem like such a sacrifice.  While I am not ready to go vegan or even vegetarian, I believe that I need to limit my drug-like comfort foods.

There are other things that I discovered the other night, but I need to wait until Peter gets home to sort them out completely.