Our purplest tomato

I just love this one. It's so dark! I'm growing it in our backyard this year. Amazingly, we had so much rain I haven't had to worry about it at all. I've just loved the rain! The Lord has really blessed us with rain here in the desert.

P&R Seeds

Peter and I started a company a few weeks ago. We are both really excited. We are going to be selling Peter's anthocyanin tomato. It's healthy and really beautiful. I will have to take a picture soon. I thought that I had a photo on my computer, but Peter must have them all at work.

We are looking forward to the opportunities that this business will bring us. I am sure the Lord has plans to use this business. It's fun to see something new unfold!

I am also so amazed with who the man I married is and what he can do. He works hard at his paying job to do the tomatos on the side. And he spends time coaching Samuel's soccer team as well as the responsibilities he has taken on at church. Today is a long day for him. He left early this morning for work and won't get home until about 9 because he has a deacons meeting that he leads. Oh, and he teaches Abraham chemistry. What a blessing my man is!

Are we home?

Esther just asked, "Are we home?" I had to pause and think about my answer. I really don't feel like I'm home. I still feel unsettled. We've been in this house for three years. It's the longest we've lived in one abode for our entire marriage. Maybe the lack to consistency has led to me being incapable of feeling settled. Logically, there is really no way out of this house for a long time. Larger houses in our neighorhood are on the market well below ours. During the winter I feel we are really stuffed in here.

Maybe I'm just not sure of what direction God wants me to go. Because I am sure he wants me to move my myself about, not just sit here and be. What does He want from my life? I sometimes feel like I am the only one with this question always on my mind. Peter sure knows what he's doing. I think this is why I've been silent on the blog. I'm feeling a bit aimless.

I'm having a hard time looking at my short comings. I think that's the real answer. And who likes doing that? But I did organize the pantry.

Cable

We got cable again after not having it for a couple of years. I can't remember how long it has been. So for the past two months my brain has been on hiatus and I've been watching so much tv that my brain just started working again today. Crazy, right?! For awhile I kind of had an idea of what to post about but it seemed dumb so I didn't do anything. Then I realized that show with William Shatner is all about the guy just repeating what his father says to the world.

So that's what I've been doing. I've been watching stupid tv shows. And some awesome ones. I've really enjoyed Sanctuary this year. Castle is fun, but I've been figuring out the mysteries quickly. I've wanted to watch Burn Notice but Peter doesn't me to watch it without him and he's a season behind. Hawaii Five-O has been great fun. I just love it! Scott Caan is such a good actor. I love that they made him a father that really loves his daughter!

We're busy with school around here. I think that we will finally start doing so writing work in a few weeks. Samuel is almost completely done with his math for the semester. He is really starting to enjoy geography. Micah is doing really well in grammar and Wordly Wise. Abraham loves math and is really enjoying the addition of Life with Fred to math work. He gets very emotional when he doesn't do well on a test, but we are working on instilling the idea that failure is part of the learning process. Esther is loving playing with dinosaurs as though they are dolls.

So that's what has been going on around here.

Cooking

I had someone ask me for a recipe that I haven't made in years. When I looked at the recipe I was surprised to find how much things have changed for me in the intervening years. Just looking at the recipe I remembered all the anxiety I had associated with making the dish. It was amazing just thinking back to what kind of cook I was 10 years ago. I remember being so concerned with the size of the garlic cloves in the recipe because it said small. I miss read the recipe the first time I made it and steamed -not stemmed- the jalapenos. I used all red tomatoes because my husband worried that the green tomatoes would kill people. Now I know it doesn't matter so much. I also am able to let things like that go a little bit. I'm still not great about letting recipes evolve but I now know that I don't need to be reminded to cover something before I put in the refrigerator. I also know that if I don't have the exact right type of onions available here(because let's face it, Idaho is not known for super developed palates-mine included!) it will be alright. It's onion Ruth, let-it-go!

Rest in Oregon

We went for awhile to collect our ourselves. It is so easy to do when away. We just got back yesterday. It was such a lovely time. I have only played with a couple of shots. I didn't get nearly as many photos as I thought I would. It seems that I was just soaking in the trees.

We each did what we needed. The kids played until they could play no more. Peter read and felt peace. I spent a great deal of time day dreaming and feeling joyful. What a blessing this vacation has been!

Crying

Crying is one of those things that can make me go crazy. As a mother this one of my great struggles. I have no idea why since most of the time I am on the verge of crying and feeling sorry for myself. I should clarify. If the kids are in pain I never feel frustrated. However when they cry when answering a question I have to fight to remain in control and not get angry. It feels like manipulation. And it frustrates me that they continue to do it even when I don't respond to it. And I'm talking pulling the hair out, running out of the room crazy. I have been known to raise my voice.

Today was one such day. Samuel spent a good portion of the day that whenever he spoke he started crying. I eventually sent him to bed for a rest until he was able to give me an answer to a question I asked him.

The whole point to this story is that it started making me think about God and how He feels when "we" (ME) always cry to him about life. When I am tired, frustrated, hungry, or disappointed I cry to Him about how hard life is. I wonder if He ends up wanting to treat me the way I deal with my kids. Maybe I'm in timeout. Because there has to be a reason I spend SO much time alone. Anyway, if you look at the Bible you don't read about how Jesus whines and cries about how hard it is to be human. Here you have the Lord of the ENTIRE universe walking around in human clothes dealing with the frustrations of being human but He didn't cry about everything. (I wonder if He felt depressed. I doubt it. Is depression a sin? Hm, maybe this a whole different blog post.) While Jesus did cry and asked to be released from what He had to do, He still did it.

I can't help but be reminded of how much God loves us when I am so weak that I cry to Him all the time and He doesn't yell at me.